Take marijuana seriously; it’s a powerful drug that forms bad habits, then cloaks them better than any other drug.
(10:30 AM) Dam! I just stubbed my big toe on the front door stopper rushing outside to see why my dog is barking. Probably just a squirrel, and now I have a purple toe nail. I just woke up, and a wake and bake got me moving. I can’t 100% confirm that being high is the cause for my clumsiness at the front door, or just a morning mishandle; but it did motivate me to start writing day 3 of this Journal. I should clear up this day 3 diary jazz. It is not day 3, more like month 3, but for diary purposes, I’m labeling it by days…. I got a feeling that wake n bake did NOT help my balance efforts, who can really say.
A few things have happened since we left off, a new, more productive girlfriend. I’m in better health, and I’m in better strength shape from frequenting the gym more. A few career focus shifts have occurred, thanks to my attention deficit disorder in business. I’ve been making some positive changes in other aspects of my life; since I can’t seem to break up with Mary Jane, so instead I made positive moves by relinquishing bad habits that are encouraged by being stoned.
1st bad habit broken is poor food choices. It’s rare if you catch me at a fast food joint now, very rare. I do have the occasional break downs, doing my body huge injustices by hitting up 7-11 for my weekly complete binge of the classics (nachos, donuts, NutRageous) or over ordering at Whataburger; And a few in-between, sweet splurges, which I’m working on eliminating. Summing up, for the 21 times I typically eat in a week, only 4 or 5 are really bad, but delicious meals. The other 16 to 17 meals are healthier choices and I’ve been reaching for the ‘organic’ labels.
2nd bad habit broken is my lack of shape. I’ve been going to the gym more, sometimes still high, but at least I make it. Standing naked in front of a mirror is a simple test. If you are not happy with what you see; then the only answer is to change what you have been doing. I’m going to make my body feel young as long as it will last. I believe that starts and ends with heart and lungs. BUT MY LUNGS SUCK! I mean sprinting down the street maybe 50-60 yards, should not be a heart pounding run. My dog is looks at me like I’m pathetic when I pull back on his leash running. My dog doesn’t like weed, no matter how many times I blow it his direction. He shows his disapproval through snorts and barks, when I’m smoking. I get the feeling he is trying to tell me to quit also.
Weed qualifies for both the excuse and the reason for a poor track-n-field showing. Believe it or not, I use to be long distance runner, (use to be). So on behalf of my lungs and throat, I have put away my hand pipe, and upgraded to my friend’s Left Coast, double filtered, with ash-catcher, water bong, we named her Lucy. Lucy is so popular, she hangs out on our living room table 24/7. There is no reason to put her away; everybody where I’m living smokes. The clean and cold bong hits Lucy has brought this roommate circle, has turned us into one happy high family.
A 3rd bad habit being broke is my career mismanagement and focus. My business partner and I, of 5 years (the guy who was running around the block with my dog), had a falling out. Honestly I think financial stress, lack of focus, the blame game, and a hurricane of all talk and years of no action, added up into a big argument. We split ways. During the 5 years we’ve been pretty close friends, and this was our biggest fight. Angers rose and things got said. I feel weed played a major role in our career’s lack of focus. I mean all we did was talk and talk and talk about big things, but not enough real moves were being made. The ideas were mostly successful ideas, but the necessary follow through never occurred. The reality was we never got any measurable results from all our exciting business plans. Joseph is a business genius and very withdrawn. Sometimes I wonder if his, or our, lack of focus and follow through, should be blamed on me. I introduced him to Mary Jane, and then started using her in our home business meetings years ago. The old “we’re smoking to get the creative juices flowing, and break the ice” line of pothead reasoning. Joe never used to smoke, until he met me. He was then hooked; claimed he enjoyed being high socially as opposed to being drunk, and he preferred to smoke when he had a lot of computer work to knock out. I guess I always assumed he had a grasp on this habit, and self understanding of Marijuana. Sometimes it seemed like our friendship and business interactions were based off being high. If we were in the same room, we were high. I’m not sure how our relationship evolved into a ‘high only’ relationship. It got to the point where hanging out felt too intense and stressful, if we were completely sober. Getting high took the edge off and opened communication doors. It’s been over 2 months since I have talked to him on the phone. We’ve been friends for so long, so I assume with time passing, we’ll both be cool again. But I did feel weed was disabling our exciting business moves. I wanted to see if cutting business ties with him temporarily would help me smoke less… and maybe I was influencing him to smoke. Either way, I had hoped going separate ways would create different career options for us, and get us both to stop smoking. Neither of us have stopped smoking. I still smoke obviously, and a dealer friend I had just bought from, said he was at Joe’s place dropping green off earlier that day.
I got so low on cash I pimped my own pad out a few weeks ago as a vacation home rental, and rented a big room at my employee-friend’s house for 400$ a month. He works for me, under my construction company, and now I live with him (funny how that happens).This room I temporarily moved into is located in smoker heaven, and pretty much a college pad. I had clean out my closets and lease my town home fully furnished, just to make my bills. Living with me now is 2 beautiful Pit-Bulls including my dog; one roommate who is a Lowe’s worker/ weed smoker/ Call of duty gamer; the other is a University of Texas Grad student in environmental science/ a Kine bud weed dealer /Halo gamer; and lastly, my friend (employee), a grad student / self-proclaimed rare smoker / video game dabbler / Environmentalist… Most would say I had to step backwards in my living situation status. I like to think of it as side stepping till my bank account looks better. I’m waiting for a 23,000.00$ commercial real estate commission check written out to yours truly, I might be a pot smoker but I am good at what I do. But the real worry is that this real estate deal may never close, which means I don’t get paid; which would about destroy me financially. I did get paid 3200.00$ to rent my furnished town home out to some New Yorkers that wanted to be warmer and closer to their family here in Austin, for 30 days. I like to remind myself that I will be back in my own house as soon as I can get finances looking better. It’s only temporary, dam it.
Side note: Video games and weed have an amazingly strong social link. I am too competitive at real life games, like making money and dating women, not in front of the TV. I purposely keep away from beginning to learn video games, for fear of wanting to finish the game I start. Most games don’t have “Ends” anymore, thanks to online gaming, you can play new games FOREVER, or least until your life has ruined around you while u hold a game controller. Try putting ‘completely awesome at Halo’ on your resume. Kids have a slight excuse for spending hours online playing video games, adults have zero. If you are a hard core gamer, I advise you to sell your Playstation and all your games on craigslist tonight. Take your life back immediately! Even the Nintendo Wii, which encourages you to physically move, should be seen as a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I bought my grandpa a Nintendo Wii. He is 79, and recovering from cancer after a rough run of Chemotherapy. I wanted him to have an excuse to get moving and relive his old man bowling league days, instead of watching re-runs of Walker Texas Ranger all day. Besides similar recovering examples, do not purchase or play video games if you smoke weed. This combo is addictive and about the most counterproductive activity that I can think of. You are officially losing in the game of life.
My employee-friend, who still somehow believes in me, even though I am reduced to renting out a room from him, expressed his desire to get out of the cloud before. He said there was a lack of purpose existing in this house (smoker heaven). I think he rarely smoked before, but maybe he smoked a lot more then he led on, since I was also his boss. He keeps a nice Tommy Chong bong, in his bathroom cabinet. Let’s face it; a boss never wants to hear that you smoke marijuana no matter what the situation is. A manager type will just assume that there is not enough getting done… and there may be some truth to that. I don’t like employers that piss test possible employees for marijuana, and other drugs. On the other hand, I can understand the weeding out process from their point of view. It is an obvious profiling move, resulting in an act of instance stereotyping, which I thought was illegal in the sense of the word, in hiring ethics. But hey, I’d be guilty if stereotyping and productive snooping was a crime. I’ve searched out facebook profiles of potential employee’s, to see what kind of life they lead, before a waste time with a formal interview. If you have to hunt down jobs that piss test you, then you definitely have one more reason not to partake in pot.
(5:45 PM) I’m high, and yes, I am hungry. I need to get back to work since technically things didn’t really start moving till like noon today. I think that working late at night, makes up for the fact that my brain is not fully running until about noon-ish. Summing up: I have been improving the bad habits that seem to be brought on by weed, but I still feel my life sliding in the wrong directions. Maybe if I keep improving my habits… there is still room in my life for Mary Jane to remain a close friend.
Here are some things I still notice affect my daily life in negative ways.
- Short term memory loss. I’d give you some really embarrassing examples, but I would sound like a dummy. This is hurting a lot of things including my effectiveness and time management. If I go to one more store where I forget my wallet; or walk into one more room without remembering what I was getting; or stop mid conversation cause I lost my train of thought, or sit at a stop sign as if I’m waiting for the stop sign to turn green… I may check into a marijuana rehab on my own.
- I still have a Lack of social drive for work or personal events. Dinner/ drink Dates, meeting up with friends, public venues, sales calls, talking on the phone, and errands… anywhere but my home really, does not sound all that much fun at all. I’d rather stare at a computer or the TV.
- Work habits. I am not pushing forward with any sense of purpose. I watch events, classes, potential clients, deadlines, and new opportunities go by. I do not do this on purpose, but I continually excuse myself assuming I will catch the next one. Really it just seems like I do enough to maintain my current life situation, which apparently means I’m happy with “just making it”. Marijuana allows me to feel OK about missing out on things.
- Heart and Lungs. Dr. Oz says “healthy heart and lungs, are the key to being in great health”. I want to switch to a vaporizer, and see how that helps… but if I’m trying to quit, do I really need to buy a 500$ Volcano just to see how much it helps? I had a 200$ vapor brothers vaporizer before, but I was not a fan. To keep it completely healthy, I would need to cool down the vapor before it even hits my mouth. Too bad you can’t lease-to-buy these Volcanoes, i’m too broke to justify buying one. I smoke a lot, so a high-end vaporizer would be an investment for my lung’s health. It’s highly recommended if you continue to smoke and you can afford it, purchase a Volcano. Make Dr. Oz proud, and drastically improve your lung and throat health. My stamina in all physical activities are affected by a pair of pot abused lungs. If your chest is tight in the mornings imagine how much damage you are actually doing to yourself. Don’t smoke, just VAPE.
- Paranoia! Being paranoid happens all the time when I am high. It seems like there is nothing I can do about paranoia, except remind myself: I am just being high. Some instances are worse than others, but paranoia does not feel mentally healthy. It has affected some friendships and made me take unnecessary private security moves. I self-admittedly have assumed things that were not true, and have arrived at far out conclusions for conspiracies against me, that did not exist.
- I had a sixth, but I think that short term memory problem, just got me… maybe it is my apparent problem with finishing strong… maybe. The drive to “Finish Strong” does not happen high. Trailing things along, leaving stuff unfinished, and putting things off, happens when I am high.
Cancer has killed plenty of close relatives, and friends of mine. I’ve heard that smoking marijuana can increase your odds of forming cancer, vaping marijuana does not. Just another reason to stop smoking.
Cancer talk and health stresses me out, time to soak, toke and poke (6:50, signing off, I’m finishing this last gram of weed and then trying to quit smoking again… unless I decide a Volcano upgrade will change the game up ;))
Continue reading: Weed Diaries day 4