Day 6, Weed Diaries

PROVE that you are NOT addicted to marijuana. Stop smoking for 2 months. IF you are unable to quit, then Mary Jane has you.

LOAD UP YOUR LAST BOWL 

Really, load up your last bowl, because you are going to need it at the end of today’s journal entry. In fact, Go ahead, load and smoke the first half of that bowl now. I’ll wait…

Obviously I have not quit yet. I’ll go out on a limb and say it, “I’m Mary Jane’s lil bitch”. It’s been a couple weeks since I wrote page 5, the usual excuses as to why I failed. I’m high right now, and I think Mary is getting mad at me for even typing against her. Apparently I’m emotionally dependent on weed. I need to write out things that I think I am losing control of, so I might keep them and be reminded of them. Marijuana has a good way of making me forget about a lot. In fact, now that I remember to mention these things, I should write them down before my bad memory snatches them out of my mind…

I have been completing actions without remembering them. Sometimes I do not notice time passing, and I have gaps in my memory of events or conversations that have taken place. I’m generally good at discipline and getting stuff done, but somehow weed seems to keep slipping on and off my bad habits radar. I’m still smoking in the morning unless I feel like I may have a really busy day. People I’m around still smoke a lot so it’s almost impossible to escape. I work in the oil industry now in south Texas and I’m guessing 30% of the people I work with smoke daily, 20% of the people do on occasion and the other 50% I don’t really know their social habits. There is one girl here that I met that has NEVER done a single drug,  but she smokes cigarettes all the time, slept her way up the ladder and drinks vodka every night, but never done an “illegal” drug. This is selective morals, meaning you’ve selected your own morals to live by. It really doesn’t matter what age, sex, or status you are, all types of people enjoy marijuana. So again, my thoughts race back; maybe I’m just crazy for writing down my struggle with marijuana. Maybe life is just hard, and I would not be able to do that much more, even if I was not smoking. I might be more stressed and anxious without the steadiness of being high. I mean some social events are unbearable completely sober, and I’m not a fan of drinking a lot.  I really thought I was going with the more responsible of the two vices.

Last night I turned off my phone, got real high, unplugged everything but the TV and watched worthless reality TV all night, I rarely do that, but at this point I can tell you all about the Kardashians and Kim’s big wedding coming up. My plan was to organize my life and direction and once again figure out how to get out of this cloud.  My eating habits have gone back to shit, I’m out of shape again, not getting as far as I want, almost as if I’m in a standstill in life, just doing the things, which are needed to get by.  But here is what is pending in my life that I need to get done ASAP.  How about getting a new car since I’m in a rental now, for two weeks after a truck about took my life on HWY 183. (I really loved that Lexus, RIP)… a Dentist visit, getting medical insurance, getting a rent deposit back to the last people that rented my house, cell phone bill, I’m really wanting to get a gun and my concealed gun permit, I need more time to write more, I owe a bunch of paperwork due on a commercial real estate deal, paying off my student loan, buying a different house and selling the one I’m in, my day job gave me some heat on my performance last month, cleaning this house, getting in better shape, way better shape. Learning more about my job and doing more in general for advancing my work. I actually have people depending on me to get things going so they will have work. I think weed makes me move slower, it’s impairing forward movement in my life. The speed I have my life pictured is not going to work at my current high pace. I’m supposed to be doing more; I have this whole group of people that seem to be levitating around me, as if they are waiting for something great to happen.

I’m seemingly successful; so why am I questioning my Marijuana use? God Dam it Marijuana, why do you have to be so chill and so cool. Last night I smoked out of the bong, went to the nearest gas station and got myself a buffet of snack food for dinner. I told myself tonight was the last night I smoke, so I might as well eat what I want, because when I woke up tomorrow morning, I will be a new man and start fresh. I had a hard time getting going this morning and I didn’t write my life direction list like I had wanted last night, so I decided to smoke again, and for lunch today, I did about the same thing except it was at Whataburger and then college football had me hooked in for the day. Now its 4:20, on the afternoon of another first day in which I AGAIN was suppose to quit* hold on, 4:20 bong hit procedures* Ok J …SO I guess I’m saying I don’t know how to quit? That can’t be right. I’m independent and strong willed. This journal’s objective was to write through my thoughts on paper, so that I can keep a record of how my days go and reach a decision about my friend Mary. I also realized that I have a strong influence on people. There are a few people around here that did not use to smoke as much, or at all, and now they smoke a lot. I need to stop saying “need” so much, and start typing “do”. This is what I am doing, this is what I have done, and this is what I DO every day. That’s where I have to be, is doing and not needing to do.

Not being high is not that fun, but I’ve never had to go through such measures like a journal to quit anything that is bad for me.  My habits are pretty good in general, so maybe I am just not equipped to quit something like this by myself. Maybe I’m an addict that needs outside help. I’d feel pathetic and embarrassed if I really require outside help… but the truth is, if I can’t quit on my own, I have to seek outside help. I have analyzed my marijuana use through this ridiculous Journal. I have come to a conclusion that marijuana is disabling my forward movement. My inside craving for more will not allow me to be set back because of weed.  Life is just as much fun not high, I know it is.  Mary Jane really does sneak up on you like a weed, each day it grows, just a little, not enough to see your life getting flushed down the drain like a harder drug, or alcohol habits may do; but just enough to fly under our self-reflective radar. Marijuana will stick around undetected and cloud your judgment. Sure you’re not doing horrible things, you’re not drunk, or on pain killers, or shooting up, or committing crimes. You’re doing your thing, getting up every day and showing up to work, keeping a roof over your head, eating 3 meals a day, keeping things going, all while you smoke here in there, just at nights maybe and on the weekends. Hey, what’s wrong with being an average person right, and using your own selective morals?

My report cards in High school frequently contained phrases like “has a lot of potential, but does not seem to put forth effort”. I rarely smoked in High School, but as an adult I still feel haunted by phrases like that. Well that’s it. I’ve officially come to my decision about marijuana. I’m convinced that Marijuana is the potential neutralizer, the action disabler, motivation’s lime disease.  I feel horrible even calling Mary these names, since we have so much past together, but too much smoking is not good for my mind or my lungs. I have not figured out how to be a successful part time smoker either, which means I have to go cold turkey on this habit. I wonder if the Tree in the middle of the Garden of Eden was a fruit producing Marijuana Tree, it would make sense to me. I think humans have smoked or tried eating at least everything twice on this planet. Marijuana is the only natural growing plant that produces this affect.

So here’s my problem, how do I stop on my own? How do I go cold Turkey on Marijuana? I like pot, but this relationship is not getting me anywhere. Now that I have concluded that the over use of Marijuana is disabling my life and standing in the way of my Goals, how do I go about exiting this fog and not sliding back in. I know I can be stronger than this habit, since I’m currently high, I need to type out my main conclusions, before I forget:

  1. Over using Marijuana is disabling my life, clouding my judgment, and slowing down the  pace I need to move in order to achieve my goals.
  2. I understand that right now, I am unable to just be a part time smoker, without smoking excessively, so I need to stop smoking weed completely, at lease till I get a handle on it.
  3. My own Journal of daily activities clearly establishes that using marijuana is a bad habit, which is responsible for all my other bad habits.
  4. If I want to have better health, better stamina, and be more productive in all parts of my life, I have to quit smoking weed.  PERIOD- THE END

Now at this point if I cannot stop smoking weed, I need to call a family member or close friend, who will take this serious. I’m in my early 30s, but I’m not ashamed to admit I need support or the services of a rehab program; IF I am unable to show myself I can quit for 2 months.  I will hold myself to this, because it is written here and honestly my year and time seems to be slipping away. This will be hard since really the last few years I have smoked the most in my life. I don’t know why, but that’s just how it’s gone. I’m here now, this is my problem to fix, and everything is going to be OK.  I have to understand that this is going to be an internal struggle which I have not had to deal with before, since I’ve never admitted there is a problem with people smoking a lot of marijuana. I have been a ‘what’s the harm, no one’s  getting hurt, let people live how they want to live,’ type of policy holder.  But I’m changing my policy; if you excessively smoke marijuana I challenge you to write a daily Journal that reflects your daily functioning on weed like I have here. It’s too hard to really understand the whole effect “being high” has on you, because it in fact, puts you at ease.  Nothing’s wrong when you’re at ease. I’m going to miss being high all the time, and I know this is NOT going to not be easy to quit. I have to keep re reading my 4 conclusions above until reality sinks in.

Mary Jane, exgirlfriend, psycho, marijuana, weed

My psycho Ex --> Mary Jane

Deriving a plan of attack against my EX friend, Mary Jane. Now that I’m thinking about it she’s kind of socially suffocating me. She now is friends with most my friends, so it’s going to be hard to dump her. She only let’s me hang out with a few of my friends, if I’m high, and she never let’s me go to big events, or get extra work done, I’m in the house all the dam time. Not only do I have to pay for her, but I have to smoke-her, depend on her, crave her, and she’s got this crafty way of making me share her with my friends. Weird I’m being used; I’m part of Mary’s distribution and influence.  Maybe I’m taking this ideology too far, but Mary is starting to sound like a psycho ex girlfriend that has attached herself to my life in every way. And to think, this is all in my big dumb head, all I have to do is quit marijuana. Just QUIT right now. I have one more bowl, the last bowl I have is in my bong, I bet I do not have the strength to get up and just dump that bowl in the sink. My last bowl… dump it in the sink…  just dump it in the sink… take it out of the bong, and walk over to the sink. DO IT……….

…………….

…………….

OK I paced, I can’t do it. Lol it’s sad, it’s too hard to waste perfectly good weeed, but that’s just the mentality I need to get away from, that’s the front lines of this battle. The NOT wasting weed is going to cost me; just buying a little will turn into more. Here’s what I’m going to do since I’m high, I’m physically unable to waste this last bowl of weed that I told us to prepare.

Let’s start here, together, yes I’m asking you, the reader to join me, don’t worry, this will be easy high. Maybe a relationship with Mary is acceptable in certain situations, but we’re exiling her, she’s not a right fit for us, right now. We’ve done a self assessment and have black and white proof written reasons we need to quit, and we’re doing this, Right now, tomorrow is not today and ‘quitting tomorrow’ is Mary’s favorite excuse to hear. That last bowl we prepared, let’s smoke that last half NOW. I’ll wait, and smoke mine now also. CHEERS: Here’s to Mary Jane, lots of good times with her, but it’s time for her to move out, and us to move forward. Cash your bowl.

———————  Writing my way out of addiction

HIGH? Yeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh BOOOOiiiiii me toOOOooo! Lol Now let’s do this thing… follow my lead and do everything I write in GREEN, don’t think about it, just do it. Not thinking very hard, should not be difficult, since we are high anyways.lol

1.      NOW Turn off your TV, turn on your lights, or open the window shades if it’s daytime.

2.        Turn on your stereo or play music from this computer. Choose your favorite motivational song, something that makes you feel your strongest. Turn it up.

3.       Now Go collect everything in your place that is Mary and put it next to us at this computer.

We don’t want anything around us to remind us of her, or anything to be available when weak moments come, which we know they will. Collect everything, no ‘emergencies only stash’, nothing left behind, don’t forget anything, get it all. Do that NOW. Let’s put it all on this table, next to this computer.

4.       Now go find a container or box that all your Mary memorabilia and smoking utensils will fit in.

-Also find  a piece of paper, a black marker … and strong TAPE

Once again go collect all ashtrays and smaller bowls, wash them out in the sink, and put them in a Ziploc bag, the nastier they look in those zip log bags the better. Put your bong in the box , if you still have weed, go accidentally drop it in the toilet, before you change your mind, be thorough. If you have a good amount of weed left, what’s dumping 60 dollars of weed, if weed is keeping you from making thousands and having a better life. just flush it, or burn it, or worse case scenario put it in the box. Keeping smoking devices and weed anywhere easily accessible in the house will turn you into a crack head.

5.       Place everything in your container or box

6.       Now EXESSIVELY TAPE the box closed.

7.       Write “WEED REHAB” and ‘what the date will be, in 2 months’ directly on the box and or tape your note directly to the container.

weed rehab 2 month challengeOk everything is all in that taped container right? If you are reading this and you do not have it in that box you might as well start over reading from my day 1 or start your own Weed Diary. Remember we are just going to be smoke free for two months, think of it as a 2 month weed challenge. What is the harm of quitting for 2 months and re looking at our life?.. If you think you want to continue smoking after 2 months at least you gave yourself a clear, non foggy look at marijuana’s affect on your life.

8.       Now Hide this box, preferably ask a friend to hide it from you.

9.       Text any roommates, regular dealers you have, and people who regularly make it a point to smoke marijuana with you, this…

TEXT:: “love smoking with you, but My lungs and mind need a break.  Please help me out by not offering me any, cause you know I’m weak against free weed. I’m doing a 2 month weed rehab challenge, you’re welcome to join me 😀  weedrehab.com“

Great job, it’s hard to tell anyone you are taking a break, but it’s important to have support. I’m guessing just by texting this, you may influence a few others to take a fresh look at their marijuana use. 

10.  NOW do not forget the road you are on, or your 2 month rule. If you can’t complete this free 10 step plan, you will need to pay into a 12 step plan.

We are committed to a good thing for ourselves. I am going to call a few friends and go out for some drinks. I would say for you to do the same, or go on a run, work out, go hang out with someone, go to bed, pull a favor and have a non smoker-friend come get you, start working on something you have been behind on. Do something!! Mary Jane is not an option for us for 2 months, which is exactly what we want. I’m excited about our 2 month weed rehab. You should not have it in your mind as a negative, but a big positive, which will bring us to a better place. Because we know that’s exactly what it’s going to be, a positive turn in our life. Mostly what it comes down to is we got shit to do! Enjoy

Tricks to help you succeed

Start Reading from Day 1

Be true to your “2 month Challenge” quitting marijuana is not easy. Stay disciplined.